When you think of Valentine’s Day, one of the first things you think of is probably those little candy conversation hearts – you know, the ones with cute sayings on them, but they kinda taste like chalk. They’ve become pretty synonymous with the holiday, and you’re bound to see some version of them in the store leading up to Valentine’s Day, whether it’s candy, decor, or Valentine’s cards.
Did you know that those little conversation hearts originated back in the 1800s? And they weren’t always hearts. They used to be round with much longer phrases on them. Things like “HOW LONG SHALL I HAVE TO WAIT? PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE” or the cringeworthy “WHY IS A STYLISH GIRL LIKE YOU A THRIFTY HOUSEKEEPER?” (The answer, on the other side: “BECAUSE SHE MAKES A BIG BUSTLE ABOUT A LITTLE WAIST.”) Yikes. 😬
Eventually, they played with fun shapes, finally settling on the heart, and shortened the phrases to the ones we’re familiar with, like “BE MINE” or “KISS ME.’ They’ve also updated phrases to keep up with the times, getting rid of the problematic ones and adding things like “FAX ME” or “TXT ME.”
Just like the phrases on the conversation candies from the 1800s wouldn’t get you very far in a conversation today, it’s important to keep your communication skills up to date. A text saying “hey” may have gotten you far in junior high school, but if you want to keep a conversation going with someone you’ve matched with, you’re going to have to change your tactics.
So, what keeps a conversation going? How do you avoid fizzling out or getting ghosted? The short answer: you don’t. Conversations are a two-way street, and it’s going to take effort from both parties to keep things rolling. You can’t control how much effort the person on the other end of the conversation is going to give, but there are some things that you can do on your end to help push the conversation along.
Start with a spark. This doesn’t have to be some crazy, creative pickup line, but you should put more effort into it than just saying, “Hey.” Try to make it personal to the person you’re talking to. Reference something they mentioned in their profile to show you’re paying attention. Ask them about it or share something you have in common with them.
Ask open-ended questions. If you ask yes-or-no questions, you’ll likely get short yes-or-no answers. Asking questions that require the responder to elaborate on their answer will help foster meaningful dialogue between the two of you. For example. If you ask someone, “I see you served a mission. Did you like it?” the other person is likely to answer either “yes” or “no,” which puts the pressure back on you to figure out how to keep the conversation going. If, instead, you ask them, “I see you served a mission. Can you tell me a story about your favorite companion?” it opens the door for them to share more about their thoughts, experiences, and perspectives, and you’ll learn more about them. Don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions, too. This will show your genuine interest in what they’re saying.
Share your stories. On the flip side, if someone seems only to be asking yes-or-no questions, try to elaborate on your answers so the conversation doesn’t come to a dead halt. Don’t be afraid to share your own stories and experiences with them. It can be scary to open up to a stranger, but sharing about yourself will give them a glimpse into your life. When you both share about your life with each other, it helps to deepen your connection and helps keep the conversation from feeling one-sided.
Embrace humor. Don’t take things too seriously, especially not right away. Remember, dating is hard for everyone, but finding things to laugh about can help make the hard times a little bit easier. Don’t try too hard to be overly funny or to be someone that you’re not – remember, we want them to get to know the real you – but keeping things lighthearted and fun can help create positive vibes in your conversation. Plus, laughter can be a powerful tool for connection.
Be mindful of response time. Not everyone can respond to messages right away at any given moment. Respect their schedule and pace in the conversation, and know that just because they’re not responding right away doesn’t mean they’re ignoring you. Focus on quality, meaningful responses rather than quantity or speed.
Switch up communication types. If you’ve been chatting for a while and feel like things are going well, try switching things up with a video call, a voice memo, or plan to meet up in person for a date. Using different modes of communication will spice up your conversation and help you find new ways to connect.
Know when to take a break. Sometimes, conversations come to a lull, and that’s okay. When this happens, just take a step back and focus on your own activities for a little bit. This will help you return to the conversation with fresh perspectives and possibly new things to talk about. Even in the digital world, absence can make the heart grow fonder.
At the end of the day, there’s no way to have a perfect conversation. It takes genuine interest, active listening (or reading, in this case), and a little creativity and connection between the two of you. What might keep a conversation going with one person could be the nail in the coffin of another conversation. Conversations are going to fizzle out and end, and that’s okay! It’s part of the dating experience. But with some practice and effort, you’ll eventually find someone to match with, and the conversation will flow, and eventually, maybe even slide that “MARRY ME?” conversation heart to. 🩷
Want to add a little extra oomph to your find-a-date-for-valentines-day efforts? Get our online-exclusive pricing on MutualUp!
Kaleigh Adamson
Marketing Coordinator at Mutual | + posts
Kaleigh is a Marketing Coordinator for Mutual. She has worked with couples, relationships, dating, and love in a creative role for over a decade. She's a hopeless romantic who loves that her career allows her to help people find their soulmates. She downloaded Mutual when it first launched in 2016, coincidentally the same year she met her husband! They now live happily ever after in the Midwest with their two kids and dog.
